i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
