i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
