batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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