yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
