I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize