worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
