He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So squirting runs in the family.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
