omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
