I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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