what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize