I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
