Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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