at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
