He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
