Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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