Don't make out with my wife yet
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
two words: eviction party
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
