you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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