I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
