I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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