Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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