Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
