I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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