God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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