she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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