dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize