It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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