After last night, I could never be a politician.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
