Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
