Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
