Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
