On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
