She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
