Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
