I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
