you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize