Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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