So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
