Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
