who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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