i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
