There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
