Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
