i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
