you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
