you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
