Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize