I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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