Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
