You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
