Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
