I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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