Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
