Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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