he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your penis caused this!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
