Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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