did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
