May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
