Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
