Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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