K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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