honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
