I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize