Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
