I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
