WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
